I'm Curious: What are Your Worst Personality Traits?

We all have character flaws which get in the way of having healthy, successful relationships with the people we love and with the people we come in contact with on a regular basis. Acknowledging those traits and deciding we want to make a change can be a learning and growing experience. I hope that by thinking about your answer you will learn something useful that you can apply to your relationship skills.

Here's a question I'd like you to consider: What do you consider your worst personality trait and how has it affected your relationships (and perhaps not just love relationships)?

I'll give you a personal example: I have had the tendency to criticize passive aggressively when things displeased me in my relationships. Instead of saying what I needed, I would make backhanded comments which threw people off (and not just in love relationships) and then I would sulk in silence when they didn't change their behavior to suit me.

This got better when I acknowledged it and resolved to change the behavior, but if I had never addressed it, I'd still be stuck. People believe that we cannot change our personalities, but we can if we choose to. I believe I'm a much nicer person than I was in my 20's and after my "attitude-change" operation!

Please share your thoughts with me about this subject. I'd love to hear them, Michelle

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Relationship Love Coach
http://www.trueloveafter40.com

Got a Successful Relationship? I'd love to hear from you!

Some people have figured out how to create successful, happy relationships with the people they love. What makes them different from those who live in perpetually miserable situations?

Of course, I have some ideas, and I'll share them. Here are some of my thoughts about how people create successful, happy relationships:

• They are mindful of the Seven Deadly Habits and strive to keep them out of their relationships.

William Glasser, MD, creator of Choice Theory, maintains that these Seven Deadly habits are what kill relationships. These deadly habits are Criticizing, Blaming, Complaining, Nagging, Threatening, Punishing, and Reward/Bribing.

• They take care of themselves, but are mindful of selfish behavior.
  

They realize the difference between self-care and self-centered behavior. They look out for each other.

• They consider their partner/spouse to be their friend.

In other words, they really like each other and enjoy spending time in each other's company.

• They are committed to making their relationship work.

When they decided to be a couple, they made it public. They got married and told the world of their decision. They don't have an "exit strategy" and they are in it for the long haul. Their commitment means that they wouldn't dream of saying, "If this doesn't work, we'll just get a divorce." That's not even in their thoughts.

Those are just some of my thoughts. Now, I'd love to hear from you! I would love know if you:

• consider yourself be happily married
  
• have fulfilling long-term relationships with friends, family, parents, children, etc.
• have been happily married for 10 years or more
• have figured out what makes your relationships successful
• have gone from having a miserable relationship to having a thriving, happy one
• would like to share your own tips and tools for creating a successful, happy relationship

Please share your experiences at http://www.trueloveafter40.com/apps/forums/.

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Couples Love Coach

Thanks for all of your responses; still seeking additional single women for dating interview

Just following up. I hope you are doing well and enjoying your relationships with the people you love. From my point of view, it's all about relationships. My passion is to help people form and keep successful, happy relationships. As such, I am working feverishly on this project to learn what Single women are experiencing in their dating endeavors.

Are you a Single woman? (Do you know some Single women? Please forward this email to your Single women friends!) I've begun this project to ask Single women about their dating experiences. You may be desperate or maybe you're hopeful about your ability to find the love of your life. You may be at the point of giving up your search or just starting out. Your age is not a factor. How long you've been searching is not a factor. I just want to know about you and your experiences, your frustrations, your joys, your successes, your beliefs, and your goals.

I am so excited about this project and I have already scheduled interviews with women who have signed up as participants in this project. If you would like to participate in this project, please sign up at http://www.trueloveafter40.com.

Once you do, you will be sent a confirmation letter. Following that, you'll receive an email with 4 questions for you to fill out. Once I receive your 4 questions, I will contact you to schedule an interview, which will last about an hour, and will be scheduled at your convenience.

If you have any questions, please contact me. My project at this time is just for women, but I may follow up with a similar project for men.

I appreciate you! Michelle

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Singles Love Coach, Licensed Professional Counselor
http://www.trueloveafter40.com
http://www.michellevasquez.com
http://twitter.com/mevasquez55

Looking for 100 Single Women for Interview

Who do you know who is single and desperate to find the love of her life? Send her this link so she can sign up for my interviewing opportunity.



Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Singles Love Coach

Quote of Dr. Robert Glover on Selfishness

"About the only time I hear the word 'selfish' is when somebody is trying to manipulate somebody else to get them to do what they want them to do. So, for example, if somebody tells you, 'Well, you're just being selfish by not calling your mother' or 'You're just being selfish because you're going to do what you want to do' what the person's really saying is 'I'm selfish because I'm not getting what I want and it's your fault, so I'm going to tell you that you're being selfish so you'll quite doing it and I'll get what I want.'" Dr. Robert Glover

This is a quote from an interview of Dr. Glover. David Steele, founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute, interviews Dr. Robert Glover regarding his book, No More Mister Nice Guy. If you want to hear the entire podcast, go to http://consciousrelationshipseminars.blogspot.com/
This does make a lot of sense. It reminds me of similarly manipulative phrases that people use on each other, such as "If you loved me you would (do what I want you to do)." What are your thoughts about selfishness? I'd love to hear them!

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC, Your Successful Singles Love Coach
True Love After 40

Why Marriage Succeed or Fail: Your Opinion

Everyone has different ideas about why marriages succeed or fail. John Gottman has done over 20 years of research with couples and written books on his findings, including Why Marriage Succeed or Fail, which I highly recommend. A more recent book of his is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I love this book because it has exercises for couples to do together to improve their marriage.

No, John Gottman knows his stuff and in his "love labs" where he does his research with couples, he says he can predict within three minutes whether a couple will remain together. That's pretty intense!

For those of you who are married, you're in your own personal "love lab" every day with your spouse. I'd love to know your opinion about why your marriage is working (or what you think it would take for it to work better).

Thanks, Michelle
Your Successful Singles Love Coach

Almost Half of American Adults are Single!

According to the 2007 Census report, over 44% of American adults are unmarried. You can read about this at http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/column-one/09-17-07-census-report.htm.

This is pretty incredible! That's almost half of the population of adults in America. According to the report, these statistics were similar in Canada and Great Britain. Why do you think this is?

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Singles Love Coach