Criticize or Praise

Criticize or Praise: Your Choice

Where did we get the idea that telling people how awful they are would help them change? Criticizing others seems to be a default way to get them to stop their undesirable behaviors. We do it to our children and to our partners. We even justify our criticizing behaviors by telling ourselves and others, “That’s just the way I am.”

Which would you rather hear?
“Don’t forget the garbage like you did on Tuesday. You never do what you’re supposed to.” or
“Honey, would you take out the garbage before you leave?”

Which do you think your child would rather hear?
“Get back in there and brush your teeth. Your toothbrush is barely wet.” or
“I like the way you pay attention to each of your teeth when you brush.”

Which way creates resentment? Which way creates closeness?

Praise the behavior you like and you’ll see more of that behavior. Criticize the person for the behavior you don’t like and you’ll see more of that behavior. Your choice.

Michelle E. Vásquez, Licensed Professional Counselor
michelle@womenhelpingothersachieve.com