Choice Theory Tenet Two

I said I was going to write about the 10 Tenets of Choice Theory one at a time.  I’m just now getting back to that task.  Here’s the second tenet:

All we can give another person is information.

When I help people to improve the way they communicate with their partners, one of the things we talk about is how to ask for what we want and need.  I can use one of the deadly habits, such as criticism, and say, “You never take out the garbage.”  What I’m trying to get across is that I’d like my husband to take out the garbage.  Most likely he is even less willing to do this task now that I’ve criticized him.  Also, the statement would be untrue (as my parents liked to say when I was a child, “Never is a long time.”).  

I can give him information instead.  I cannot criticize or blame or nag him into doing this chore without incurring his resentment and pulling us farther apart.  I can, instead, tell him, “I would like for you to take out the garbage.”  I can also give such information as, “When you don’t take out the garbage it begins to smell in the kitchen.”  

Of course, this doesn’t guarantee that he will do what I request.  He has to choose what he will do.  It does, however, get me out of the pattern of using the deadly habits to control my husband.  I, personally, would rather have harmony in the home than to harp on such issues as taking out the garbage.

If you are going to use Choice Theory in your daily life, consider this example.  Is the garbage such a bone of contention that you are willing to spend precious time arguing about who takes it out?  Think about what is really important in your relationship.  In all likelihood, you’ll figure out how to deal with the small stuff in a more harmonious way.