Just as some married people withhold sex as a weapon, some people withhold basic affection to express disapproval of their mate. OK, I believe most of us do this. I've been guilty myself. Why do we do this?
Isn't there another way to say, "I'm mad"?
Sure there is, but sometimes we go "all schoolyard" instead of acting like the grown ups we are. Yes, adults throw temper tantrums too. They also use the tried and true method of punishing others by declaring, "If you don't do (you can fill in the blank) I won't be your friend."
When we are angry we don't "feel" like hugging our mate. So we withhold affection. This is punishing behavior. When they "please" us we reward them with our affection. Do you see something wrong with this picture?
What if we decided to take a big step and say what is on our minds, in a kind, yet direct way, so we can clear the air? What if we examined our angry behavior and decided it was better to let things go? I mean, really let them go, not stuff them and resent our mates.
What if we decided to show affection to our mates regardless of how we felt, because we love them and we want to keep the intimacy real?
Just some thoughts I wanted to share. Michelle
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Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPCSan Antonio Relationship Coach, Licensed Professional Counselor
I help people attract the life they want and create the relationships that bring them joy.
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